About Me

    I am a 19 year old man and I'm going to be telling you about my life story and why I've decided to create this blog. When I was around 14 years old I knew I wasn't what society branded as "Normal". I preferred Barbie's and Makeup over the traditional action figures and sports, Id get yelled at by family members and even my mother whenever I touched a Barbie doll or was a tad bit interested in the female things. Growing up i remember thinking "shit, all the girls have the good clothes and accessories". At that time in my life my father who wasn't really in my life (Rest peacefully Dad) had gotten me a lot into Singing and through singing I somehow realized I was very much into acting and Theatre in general and I carried those things all the way into High School and that's where most of my troubles had begun. I remember Freshmen year (2015) I auditioned to be in a musical with my bestfriend of 4 years and we got in. Basically the musical we got in was 'Memphis' and it was the best experience of our lives. To this day we still speak about it and the laughs we had. It was after that when things went South and I started getting depressed which still happens to this day might I add. So after the Musical was over we had been given out slips for a summer program, My Bestfriend and I being eager for learning more about controlling our voices and acting went and auditioned. That year they decided to accept everyone who auditioned for whatever reason. First day was great then we got more into the program and we started getting looks NO HELP. Despite them saying they'd help us they only gave us looks of disgust which not only was a blow to our confidence but made us generally not want to sing or act again period. ill give them credit where credit is due, they tried helping me once but it wasn't a good approach at all. We went into their van me and two other boys in the program and I sung just to get laughed at by not only the teacher but the other participants. Ill add I was also going through puberty that summer so I was having SERIOUS trouble with my tone and my voice period. After that Me and My bestfriend decided we weren't going to go anymore. This may not seem like it is a big deal but at this time in my life i was desperate for my dads attention so Singing and musicals was the one thing i felt connected us and kept us in touch basically and to have a group of people basically not only stomp and walk all over my dreams but tear the only connection I had with my father down I was beyond devastated. Now after we quit and school started things got kind of worst for me. My mother was struggling financially so she wasn't able to get me new shoes and school clothes like all the other kids. So i started with a worn out pair of Nike shoes and one pair of pants and a shirt. School Day went by and I get on the bus to go home, listening to my music and I'm chilling just to look around and notice everybody is checking out my fucked up pair of shoes and then they all burst out laughing all the way until I got home. This hurt me most because I even asked my Dad to help out with school things and he never called me back but I later found out he bought my little sister school clothes but never gave me a piece of mind. He always had me thinking "Damn what did I do to be ignored and thrown to the side yo" Now he wasn't completely out of my life, he did small things like pick me and my sister up and take us to the movies but it was always something she wanted to do. Never what I wanted. Ill stop there so I don't bore you all. I've made this blog to basically get my word and thoughts out into the world, whether it be about my favorite game or food recipe. It'll be talked about here. I'm mainly into League and Dead by Daylight right now but I may also talk about my exercise routine and what's happening in my weird life. If you've gotten this far thank you so much for reading and I'm always open to talk if you need someone, I understand we all go through things but you don't have to go through them alone ! I understand how it feels to go through depression and suicidal thoughts trust me, we can TALK ! Ill also be posting about my Streams and YouTube uploads which will mainly be video game related so stay tuned !

OU don't forget to leave some comments ! I'm willing to talk here as well !